Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone! Karisa and I made it safely to Cleveland TN to relax and enjoy the holidays with Karisa's side of the family. It is especially joyful for a number of reasons. One, Christ is come to earth! Two, Karisa has quit her job and is finally free from the stress and crazy hours of a foster care social worker. And third, Alethea and Justin have provided the cure from having to continue to use the library for videos in the form of a gift certificate to NetFlix. (This was especially timely as the library was already running low on movies that were worth borrowing. See my last post.)

Of course, we also miss my side of the family. Which reminds me of an invention I came up with when I was growing up on the mission field. It's pretty simple machine, really. Basically, what it does is instantaneously transport you from one place to another. The memory that stands out to me as a child was that of grandparents suddenly being able to visit. Admittedly, the invention is still in blueprint stage. I'm having trouble with a few of the parts...

Well, I'm back to family activities (at the moment watching Alethea get a Wii Fitness age of about 200!)

Lost Idealism

My wife and I have gone into a mode called, "saving money." It's a good mode to be in, though it does have its drawbacks (Giordano's pizza is so much better than Little Ceasar, just like it's price is so much higher).

One of the money saving devices we've resorted to is getting movies from our local library instead of the local Blockbuster. So last night Karisa stopped by the library to pick out a movie. Since the selection is smaller, we ended up with the movie "First Knight" starring Sean Connery, Julia Ormand, and Richard Gere. 

There are many things to say about this movie. If you haven't seen it, I do recommend it (especially since the library has it for free). I found myself thinking a lot about idealism, fairy tales, and realism while I watched Richard Gere and Julia Ormand portrayal of the classic forbidden love of Lancelot and Guinevere. 

"First Knight" is the quintessential idealistic movie. The opening scene of a village burning depicts a medieval village going about daily chores. Apparently, this village is also inhabited by fairies who magically keep everything clean. No one's clothes were dirty, the hay was all perfect, and I have feeling that the village smelled of lavender.

This sort of idealism carries throughout the movie. All the good characters wear nice clothes and all of Camelot wears blue. The evil characters all wear black and dark earth tones. Camelot is a white stone city while, of course, the evil Malagant lives in a castle that is really more of a grimy underground cave.

Compare this to the more recent version of the Arthurian legend: "King Arthur" starring Clive Owen in which the movie attempted to recreate the "real" Arthur as a Roman legion and Merlin as a Scottish highlander chief. 

The new Arthur story attempts to rectify my first response to watching "First Knight" which was, "That's so unrealistic," and, "That would NEVER happen!" While "King Arthur" still have plenty of Hollywood fakeness, the overall feel of the movie is, "This is real. It could have happened."

As I thought about it more, though, I realized that it wasn't simply replacing unrealism with realism. It was also a loss of idealism. A whole essay would be necessary to compare Sean Connery's Arthur to that of Clive Owen. Undoubtably they are both men of honor and self sacrifice. However, Sean Connery depicts the man who has created and ideal setting where his values/virtues are embodied. Clive Owen, on the other hand, depicts a man of virtue in the middle of a world where his virtues are considered high ideals but of little value and in which the world's lawlessness and selfishness is overpowering.

It seems that perhaps we as a culture have become more realistic (a good thing) but have lost some of our idealism (a bad thing). We are constantly being more exposed to despair, brokenness, hunger, poverty and a host of other issues in our world today. We are more aware of the world's fallenness than ever before. At the same time, though, we seem to be less capable of dreaming the big dreams. We are more prone to write idealism off as unrealistic naivete. 

We will never build Arthur's Camelot on earth. In fact, Arthur's Camelot is simply an echo of the true goodness of the Kingdom of God to come. At the same time, it was with some sadness that I realized that even in our story telling, we don't have imagination for the ideal, but prefer to live in the gritty realism of the world today. 

This is the challenge of the both/and Kingdom. How can we both acknowledge the deep darkness and the unpleasant realities of life, while still dreaming the dreams of the truly good.

There are, of course, many other levels of critique that could be applied to both these movies. That is not my purpose today. I'm sure that even these ideas could be applied more fully and developed more clearly. These are just my initial thoughts and I'd love to hear yours, so send me your thoughts if you got 'em!

Happy Thanksgiving

Hmm... I'm beginning to see a theme develop in the way that I post: long intervals between posts. On the upside, maybe the long wait builds anticipation for the post to come. That may just be wishful thinking though.

Karisa and I made the long trek out to Perkasie, PA for Thanksgiving. If you don't know where that is, don't feel bad. I spent four days there and still don't know where it is. (North of Philadelphia near Quakertown). My parents have a new home there that is very nice. My whole immediate family was there and my aunt, uncle and cousins joined us for Thanksgiving afternoon/evening.

The only thing more certain than long delays between my posts is Karisa and my ability to forget to take pictures while going anywhere. As a result, I only have two to share with you:

Jesse and Joel, two of my brothers!

Phillies WIN Phillies WIN!!!!!

THE PHILLIES WIN!!!!!!!

It's time...

Karisa scolded my last night for not updating my blog in a long time. Clearly, it's long overdue because normally Karisa is the one that I have to ask if she's read my blog and it takes her a not short time to get a round to it. So if even she is commenting on the length of my absence from the blog world, I know it's really time.

And so here is my new update. Since this is a historic week for me, I'm going to devote this post to one thing:

The Philadelphia Phillies. The Phillies were my favorite team as a boy in my favorite sport. In fact, I was telling Karisa the other day that baseball is one of the few things that I have ever truly loved to do for fun. My love of baseball went into recession during middle school and high school because I grew up overseas. I think my life would truly have been better if I had gotten to play baseball. (Of course, God knows best, so I shouldn't argue with what He chose).

The Phillies are on the verge of winning the World Series tonight. It would be the first time they've won since 1980 (before I was even alive!). In fact, they haven't even been in the World Series since 1993 when I was 10. Now there's lots of talk here in Chicago about the poor Cubs who haven't won the World Series in oh so long. But in 126 years of history, the Philadelphia Phillies have only won one World Series in their entire history. That's less than the Cubs, by the way.

My theory is that the Cubs are more nationally popular and receive more sympathy almost exclusively because of Wrigley Field. (Okay, there's more to it than that, but it is a big part!) I do like the Cubs myself, as well, so don't label me a Cub hater. I hope they do very well every time they aren't playing the Phillies.

Let's be honest though, for a team that played for so long at a the hideous construction known as Veterans Stadium, it's hard to develop that mythical lore in such an ugly place. The Philly fans, unlike Cub fans, have not found hope in the "always next year slogan." Instead our history has made us somewhat bitter and prone to turn on players that perform poorly. This also doesn't help raise national sympathy.

But all that is almost over because tonight, we're going to win the World Series in what may be the strangest way ever: 3.5 innnings left from a suspended game. 

Let's go Phillies!

Why I'm Not A Republican nor Democrat

This post is a response to two posts by my Father-in-Law, Jackie. You can read his posts on "Why I Am a Republican" at Jackie Speaks. Jackie has a two part post describing why he is a Republican. To be honest, it is probably the clearest and best articulation of why anyone should be a Republican I have ever heard. This post starts as a direct response and becomes a more generic comment on my own political philosophy. It will help you understand the first half to read Jackie's post.

Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you think. Like I say below, my opinions are still being formed!

Why I'm Not a Republican nor Democrat

First, you have done an excellent job of explaining your point of view. As you pointed out in Part I, there may be some who would disagree with you. However, what strikes me as significant is that you have written in such a way that anyone who disagrees with you and wants to have any meaningful conversation will be forced to debate at the foundational levels of political and theological philosophy rather than simply stating, "I'm in favor of increasing tax on the rich" or "I support a government funded medical plan."

Personally, I find many areas of agreement with you. You list seven foundational points in Part II. I completely and whole heartedly agree with points 1-5 and 7. As one of my professors used to say, "Humans are good by nature, but sinful in nature." That is, we are made for great things and great good, but we have become broken through the Fall and are now subject to the effects of our brokenness. That is what makes the Christian faith so powerful: the ability to recognize and celebrate the beauty and goodness of humanity but still have a category for explaining why and how such evil can be done.

Point 6 ("freedom is a fundamental right and human responsibility") I also would agree with, especially the ways in which freedom is a responsibility. I am hesitant theologically to ascribe to humanity "rights." Rights are about entitlement. I don't see God through Scripture giving us rights. I see Him give us gifts. I see Him bestow on humanity great worth and dignity. I see God make promises to/covenants with humanity. However, you have wisely coupled rights with responsibility which is essential and since we need to engage the world on these issues, a more non-religious term like "rights" may be required.

If the Republican Party acted and lived out what you are describing, I would be very glad indeed. My concern is that it may be presuming too much to ascribe these foundational values to all or ever a majority of the Republican Party. The economic theory is definitely and decidedly distinct between Republicans and Democrats. However, voting for the Republican Party is not the same as voting for these principles, sadly.

Larger picture, my political philosophy is still be formed. My greatest sadness is that both Democratic and Republican Christians have sat back and looked to the government to fix problems in society. By all means, I hope and pray that government will be able to help alleviate suffering and fight for justice. The reoccurring fault in the Church, though, is that we look to the government first, then to the Church.

Government is by nature self-seeking. It promotes what is best for itself. As you pointed out, one of the goals of government is "ensuring the safety and security of the nation’s citizens." Such an aim will at times automatically lead a government into situations where the mentality is "us-them." To me, this is decidedly un-Christian. Any time the lives of some people are valued more highly than the lives of others, that is evidence of the fallen human condition.

Christians first call should be to BE the solution rather than to VOTE for a solution. It's not enough to vote for candidates to fix social problems. Instead Christian's must jump in to actually serving like Jesus did. Of course, such service will ultimately lead to political involvement.

I Christians' participation in government should be much more highly focused on advocating for justice, the poor, oppressed, the unborn, and any other issues that are near to God's heart rather than spending so much energy in partisan politics. When was the last time any of us (including me!) wrote a letter to our Congressperson or Representative letting them know how we feel they should vote on certain issues? Politicians want to be re-elected. If Christians (who still technically are a majority in the US, depending on how you define "Christian") simply starting advocating, we'd see more justice take place than if we all voted for any certain candidates.

We've sometimes been called "Sunday Christians" meaning that we only act like Christ on Sundays and the rest of the week we're just the same as the rest of the world. Politically, it's even worse. We're "election year Christians." We care when it's time to vote, but the other three years, we don't really do anything.

I'm a citizen and voter who is passionately pro-life (in all cases) and believes in an ideal world that economically conservative policies would produce the best long term results. I am also in favor of government that helps provide health care for those who cannot get any and social services to those who need them and allows immigrants and refugees to get citizenship.

In conclusion, I am not a member of either the Democratic or Republican party. At first this was simply because I had not decided which party to join. Today, it has become the intentional decision to join neither party. I simply cannot get away from the fact that if Jesus were still walking the earth today as he did in Palestine 2000 years ago, He would not be a Democrat or a Republican. I have a feeling He would have some very strong reproves for both parties, not to mention His church.

Pray for me that I would be able to follow Christ and live up to my ideals. Pray also that I would have wisdom in the upcoming election as there truly is no perfect candidate. Above all, pray for God's will to be done--and not just during the election, but each day.

Bitter Sweet

Karisa and I had a great weekend. The best part was, without a doubt, getting to see our dear friend, John. I lived with John for a year after graduating college (along with two fine other men, Joe and Brett). John is one of the most fun people I know. He has an excitement for things that I can't even compare to. Not to mention that he has a knack for telling stories (not to mention getting into situations that make GREAT stories)!

John left last Christmas to do things that I am jealous of. He spent months up in Alaska working at a fish hatchery. Then he went to Europe and traveled around for four weeks seeing all sorts of amazing things. He spent time with family in New England and Virgina. Then he went and built log cabins in New York.

"John," I said, "I look at your life and wonder what I'm doing with mine! I don't have nearly as much excitement or adventure."

"I look at your life and am jealous of the stability you have," he answered.

So I guess we're both living good lives... just different ones!

Karisa and I have said to each other many times that we wish John was still in Chicago. It's hard to explain how great it is to watch a movie with John or how he can make the most mundane of meals become enjoyable. There aren't many people you meet who will drive all night after work to come to your wedding after only knowing you a year. John is one of those people.

John is driving to Denver today. He's pursuing a career with the Fire Department, going to Paramedic school, and making plans to start his own log cabin building business. I know without a doubt that he will do well at all of those things! Karisa and I will be looking forward to visiting Denver sometime so we can hang out with John.

So while it was bittersweet to have John leave, it was mostly just sweet to have him here for two days!

Pancake Breakfast!

Labor Day came and went too fast. I have to admit that I am not really ready to be back at work, but I will persevere! We had a great weekend though. Alethea, Karisa's sister, came up to visit us. Karisa took Alethea to a number of different shopping venues. I selflessly offered to stay home. (Yes that is selfless because even though I do not enjoy shopping, they would have enjoyed having me shop with them even less!)



On Labor Day, we threw a community Pancake Breakfast. Karisa and I had been talking with our good friends Joe and Keane who live in the same complex. We decided that we'd like to get to know our neighbors and build some real community. So we threw a free pancake breakfast. Karisa gathered the food. Joe cooked. Keane made posters. I don't really know what I did, look at Joe in action:



We had regular, strawberry, blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes. I, of course, followed my golden rule: any opportunity to have chocolate in the morning, take it!

There was a pretty good turn out for our first community event. We had about 18 people or so. Lots of kids that I had gotten to know came with family (moms or grandmoms). We had a few people come that none of us knew before too, which is great.



(This is Lynne and Keith. Lynne is the grandmother of three beautiful girls that live in the complex. Their parents weren't able to make it unfortunately. Keith is an 8th grader at the local middle school. He's into art.)

We're planning a community BBQ for later this month. I hope and expect even more people as we had a number of people say "Oh, you did that? I would have come if I'd known it was you."

The picnic table turned up broken that morning, but I cobbled it back together enough to do our cooking on. We borrowed this electric griddle from a neat family at Resurrection, the Carlson.



We set up a few extra tables so everyone would have a place to sit:



One of the kids in our community, Garrett, was there. Karisa and I have helped watch him sometimes when his mom is at work. He's pretty cute.

Church Picnic

Church of the Resurrection had a picnic on "Holy Hill" yesterday. That is, we are hoping to buy land to build our own building (finally!) and so all the people who have made pledges to the building project got to come onto the land to have a picnic. The hill is called "Holy Hill" by the current land owner whose father was a man of faith.

Unfortunately, Karisa came down with a fever. She was feeling warm Saturday night, but woke up Sunday with a temperature of over 100. So she stayed home all day! I did everything I could to help but there's not much I can do to make her feel better. At the picnic, I got some friends to help me tell her how much she was missed:





















In order, they are: Alyana, our dear friends' daughter. Joe, one of our old Sunday School kids. Matt, deacon at our church who did our premarital counseling. Abbi, one of the youth from our church. Janet, our Family Pastor. Keith, our good friend and Alyana's dad. Tegan, another one of our former Sunday School kids.

It was a fun picnic but I missed Karisa! I spent a lot of the picnic trying to recruit for a logistical nightmare that fell into my lap Saturday afternoon. But I managed to have some fun. Here's me and Ella (though she refused to smile!):

Sacramentalism and Community

(While I was traveling last week, I did some writing on my new iPhone. Here's one of the things I was thinking about)

While traveling the west coast to do college fairs I brought a couple of books with me for reading material. A smart traveler will bring light reading to help pass the time. Sadly, I am not the smart traveler. I brought to serious books:

The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne



and

For The Life of the World by Alexander Schmemann



Revolution reads easy enough, but confronts the reader with such challenging ideas that it is not possible to breeze thru. Life of the World, on the other hand is an inspiring book but so dense that it requires sustained concentration to benefit from and even begin to understand.

Neither book has made for the easy plane reading that would be my usually fare for such trips. Somewhere in the air between San Fransisco and LA, though, I realized that it was highly significant that had these two seemingly very different books together in my bag.

Throughout my trip my peers have been asking me about plans for the future. I have said seminary is my plan. But the truth is that I am still very unsure about what I want to do.

I love the church and the sacramental world that is the topic of Schmemann's book. I also am captivated by the depiction of community and a life of "ordinary radicals" that Claiborne writes about.

I realized is that these two books represent what I want to do with my life. Or at least the vision for my future that I find most captivating. I want to do is bring together the ideas and visions of these two very different books just like the two books are physically stashed right next to each other in my carry on.

What would a sacramental, charismatic, evangelical community among the under-served and poor look like? Could I learn what it means to bring the joy and beauty of what we have at Resurrection to the intentionally loving community that strives for justice?

That is a life calling that I would love to walk. Seminary, internships, overseas and even loving and living in our apartment now can be training and preperation for that sort of calling.

We're landing now and even though I didn't have an easy-to-read, page-turning novel to read, I think this flight was well worth it.

West Coast Travels

From August 1 until August 7 I got the chance to travel to some amazing places. In order, I went Seattle, Portland, San Fransisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, and Denver. This was an especially neat trip because I had never been to Seattle, Portland or LA before (and my only visit to San Diego was an ill-fated trip in high school to see my girlfriend which shoudln't really count for many many reasons, but that's another blog entry all together).

Sadly, the way that the trip was structured was that I saw all these cities in only five days. That made for a crazy lot of travel, rushing between hotels and aiports. I did get to go to La Jolla while we were in San Diego and saw some seals. Here's one of them:



The other great thing is getting to know the people you travel with since we're all doing the same crazy schedule together. Sometimes I'd end up on the same plane or taxi with someone, but the main way we'd get to know each other is through our meals together after doing a college fair.

One guy I got to know especially well was the counselor from St. Johns (Santa Fe), Garret. Garret and I had been on a fair tour in the Mid-west last year. I didn't expect to see him out west but was pleasantly surprised to find him searching for our fair location the first morning (something that I had just done 5 minutes earlier!)



Garret and I connected pretty well. It sounds too junior high to call him my "favorite counselor" on the tour, but I did enjoy hanging out with him. He's a great guy, fun to chill with, and is anal like me about getting to the airport with time to spare!

Our last night of the tour we went out to a northern Italian restaurant. I have to admit, I felt pretty embarrassed the whole night because I didn't drink wine (not allowed to on college dime) and didn't recognize hardly anything on the menu. I ended up ordering bruschetta (got corrected on my pronunciation though) and a Caesar's Salad because I knew what they were. I would have preferred to just order pizza (as my wife can attest to), but that didn't feel cultured enough. Here we are all:

Golf Victory, of a Sort

Last Friday night, Karisa and I went mini golfing with a good friend of ours: the ever lovable and consistently enjoyable Meghan Cahill.



Notice how excellent of a golfer she looks like. Needless to say, we were up for a challenge. And it proved to be true as Meg was the first one to get a hole-in-one!



I did pretty well for myself in the first half. On all of the first nine holes I managed to putt for exactly 2 strokes every time. I was in the zone! Unstoppable! I was especially excited because they had a "best score of the day" board and it was only 38 by some guy named Nathan or something like that. 38? Piece of cake. I was on track for 36.



Then the wonderful women I married jinxed me. On hole 10 she said it was all over. I proceeded to putt for 3 and 4 strokes on the next 5 holes or so. But then something AMAZING happened! I went first and made a nice putt that put me about 4 inches from the hole. On track for a hole in 2 again. (Finally!) Then Karisa went. Her ball hit my ball and knocked me into the hole! Not only that but her ball's spin allowed it to curve with the green and she ALSO got a hole in one!!! That means she got two hole-in-ones with one stroke!!!!



That made our night. It was awesome. As a result of her stellar play and my second half collapse, Karisa and I ended up tying for the win:



To celebrate the fact that we all got hole-in-ones (though mine was really Karisa's but if you looked at the scorecard you wouldn't know it) we went to the local DQ. We thoroughly enjoyed the background on the wall there:



And thus:



Good times were had by all! Thanks for hanging out with us Meg. And Thanks to DQ for their awesome wall decorations.

Pictures As Promised

We went to a Phillies game while in Philadelphia. Sadly they lost but it was tons of fun!



We went into New York for half a day after visiting my brother's place in Ramsey, NJ.



My family playing cards.



Karisa and I went to a park together in the week between Philadelphia and Florida.



We also had a party for Karisa's birthday. Some of us got on the roof!

I don't have very many pictures of our time in Florida, sadly. But you can see some by going to familyjohns.blogspot.com. My father-in-law got some good pictures. f

Yogurt Covered Raisins

Group dynamics are interesting anywhere. Taking ten recent high school graduates and putting them into a group together is sure to lead to conflict, raised tensions, and hard feelings. When you add onto that the effects of being in the wilderness for 12 days without access to bathrooms, beds, and eating dehydrated food will only add friction to group dynamics.

The group I was placed into was made up of a future school worship leader, an amazingly funny drummer, the most incredible guitar player I have ever met, an intramural champion, and a future ministry chair just to name a few. We all loved Jesus. We all were men who should have been good friends except one thing: we didn't know it. 

In my group, division reared its ugly head fairly quickly. There was a group of guys who were athletic and cool. At least, that's how I perceived them. These guys were more stereotypically manly. On the other hand was the group of guys with little to no outdoor experience. These guys all had talents, but not ones that necessarily manifested themselves while trekking through the woods.

Sleeping arrangements were the easiest way to tell these divisions. In three tents, one was the "cool" tent and the other two were the rest of us. Whenever we mixed sleeping arrangements, that meant that some of us in the other two tents swapped with each other. The cool tent remained unaffected. 

One of the guys in the cool tent seemed to perceive this position as a position of power. That is, he seemed to feel he could get away with things and no one would stop him. The most infamous of this behavior was the yogurt covered raisins. 

While eating "brick," dehydrated vegetables, and sucking on 1950's candy, our one truly delicious food was yogurt covered raisins. Unfortunately, they were in short supply and always were the first to run out at any meal. Therefore, they had to be rationed.

This one guy, however, decided to take it upon himself to sneak a number of packets of yogurt covered raisins for himself (To be fair, he did share with his fellow tent mates). When we all found out, we were very mad. And yet, no one seemed to say or do anything.

Later, on getting back to Wheaton, we further discovered that he had appropriated a number of packets of Break Time (gatorade knock off). To be honest, BreakTime wasn't that good. But adding BreakTime to a nalgene full of smokey scum water made all the difference in the world. The whole reason we found out that he had the BreakTime was because he must have realized himself that it wasn't actually that good compared to the drink options available in "civilization." So he decided to offer them - oh so graciously! - to the rest of us.

I am ashamed to say that through all four years at Wheaton, I never could get over the anger I had about these actions. As a result, I never liked this guy. He always seemed arrogant and selfish to me. For sure, what he did on High Road was selfish, but there was more to him than that and I refused to see it for my entire college years.

Yogurt covered raisins now serve as a reminder to me of the incredible dangers of not dealing with conflict head on. It may seem like the nice thing to do at the time, but it really just creates long term side effects.

If we had addressed our issues directly, instead of trying to keep the peace, the trip would have been a genuinely deep experience in bonding and growing in relationships. Instead we settled for sub par relationships. Sadly, I only remained friends with one of the other guys on the trip and even that seemed to be God's work as He put us together again the next summer as counselors.

It would be unfair to expect myself to have handled the situations then like I would have now. I don't regret what happened (usually). Rather, I look back and see how it could have been different all the while also being incredibly thankful for how much I learned through it. High Road -- and even those unhealthy group dynamics -- taught me and changed me forever. 

After hearing this story it sounds unbelievable, but I was actually one of the few guys I knew who said they would go on another High Road if they got the chance. Next time though, I'll make sure that we deal with any Yogurt Covered Raisin issues.

God's Love at the End of a Half Marathon

Before reading this post and if you aren't familiar with High Road, you must read the post immediately before this one: "The Long Run to Joy"

The year after I completed High Road and started at Wheaton College, I returned to the Northwoods to be a camp counselor and take classes. Like High Road, my summer at HoneyRock doing Summer Leadership School could be an entire blog of lessons in and of itself. During the summer there, I learned much about my relationship with God and others and myself.

The two most significant moments at HoneyRock (though there is also a close third) came through one man: Dr. Rich Butman. I was taking a class with him during the second session of the summer called "Community Leadership and Development." The first significant moment came through an hour and a half with Dr. Butman in a two man kayak. Since I talk about that time together a couple of times a week in my information sessions in the Admissions Office, I will not be elaborating on it here.

Instead, it is the second moment that this post is about. During Dr. Butman's class he required that we complete 2500 pages of reading, but he left it up to us to decide which books off of a list we would choose to read. (To this day, I found this classes reading assignments to be the most enjoyable in my life, despite having a larger number of pages to read than almost any other class.) 

One book I had decided to read was The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen. I was a little skeptical because I have been over dosed on sermons about the Prodigal Son through out my life. But on the strong words of recommendation from many friends I decided to give it a go.

A third of the way through, I quit. It just wasn't doing it for me. I can't really remember why, but I remember not really knowing why then either. I just wasn't digging it. So I moved on to another book. When I had completed the next book, I decided to give the Prodigal Son a second chance. Picking up where I left off, I read what turned out to be an incredibly moving story of God's fatherly love for us, his children.

Again, I don't remember a ton of what it was that struck me from the book. What matters though is that it acted as the tilling of my heart to prepare for something more to come.

Towards the end of the class, we were sitting together discussing what God was doing through the books we had been reading. It became clear that God was teaching us all about His love. 

It must have been God's perfect timing because as we were discussing God's love, it so happened that right outside where we were sitting a group of High Roaders were completing their long run at the end of their arduous trip. Gathered just outside the not very sound proof walls was a crowd cheering and hollering for each one as they finished.

In a moment of divine wisdom, Dr. Butman told us to listen to those cheers. They were full of joy and delight. Then he said something that to this day echoes in my soul. "Those cheers are pictures of God's love for you. If you want to know how God feels about you, listen to those voices and cheers."

I'm sure the actual words he used were different, but the meaning was clear. I couldn't stand it. God feels that way about me? Delights in me with that sort of joy? Memories of my High Road group's faces and smiles burst into the foreground of my memory. The thrill and exuberance I felt was there. The sense of value and delight was there around me. 

I was crying and couldn't stop. I was embarrassed to cry in front of someone I respected so much, but I couldn't help it. God was breaking through on a new level into my soul. His love was better than I ever knew. 

More of that, Lord! More of that!

The Long Run to Joy

When I was a freshman to be at Wheaton College, I participated in a program called High Road. They have since renamed it Wheaton Passage and given students the option to take the "Wilderness Track" or the "Camp Track." Back in my day, however, there was only the one option: "Wilderness."

Growing up in a majority world country, I had to live without a number of the comforts available in the United States (For me, this mostly revolved around the loss of my one true passion in life: baseball). High Road, however, was a big wake up call.

I signed up not knowing what exactly I was getting into. In my mind I had some vague perceptions of canoeing, archery, rock climbing, etc. To be honest, though, I think the main reason I signed up was because I was afraid of being left out of something that "everyone else" was doing.

This post is not meant to be a detailed story of what I experienced those 16 days. I was shocked to discover that I would, in fact, be spending the entire time in the woods, exposed to the elements and carrying everything I brought (minus my watch) plus a number of pounds of food and camping gear with me on 10-15 mile hikes each day.

(Just a side note, I was 5'10" and weighed about 117 pounds when I went on this trip)

I was beyond "stretched" on this trip. The only thing that kept me together was a fear of what others would think. I was determined not be a total tool and whine and complain. (Though I am sure now that my overwhelmed self showed through in a number of ways.) What would people think of me if I couldn't handle my own?

There are many stories that could be told from the canoeing and hiking we did. But I made it through to the end, with only one challenge left to complete before being able to sleep in real beds and eat real food: a 13 mile run.

Before this run, I had never done more than 4 miles before. Sure, they had sent out materials that summer encouraging us to be in shape, running regularly, etc. etc. But seriously? What was the big deal? Who needs to run every day to hang out at a camp for two weeks? 

This run was so brutal yet I wanted to impress people with my running skills. I started off trying to keep up with the leaders (which included my future roommate). After a short while (indeed, a very short while) it became clear that I would not make it long with them. So I slowed down. 

Still, I wanted to make it the whole way without stopping. This would be my great achievement and I wanted to brag about it. It didn't take too long before I failed even this goal. When I was not near anyone, I would stop and walk. Then before rounding the next corner, I would start running again.

Near the end of the run (though I didn't know it was near the end at the time) I ended up running next to one of the guys from my group, Dave. Ironically, Dave had not been someone I had really liked on the trip. I perceived him as someone who didn't think I was cool enough to be a friend. 

Yet there we were, running next to each other. And more than that, Dave was encouraging me to keep running. Every time I would start to slow down or want to give up, he'd encourage me to keep going.

I made it at least a mile or two further than I would have on my own because of Dave's encouragement. But even that didn't help me get all the way. I stopped running and started walking again, this time not caring if I was seen. I was too tired. Dave ran on.

Then I began to hear something. It sounded like there was a baseball game or something up a head. There was a lot of voices. At first I couldn't tell if they were happy, upset, or what. As I got closer and as people passed me on the run, I started to realize this a crowd of people cheering for people as they finished the race.

I was that close! Energized by the closeness of the end (and not a little by a sense of shame should I be seen walking across the finish line) I started running again.

The voices got louder and louder. The sense of joy grew stronger and stronger. Finally, I rounded the final bend and I could see them.

A huge banner was posted that declared congratulations for finishing the race. A hundred or more people stood around in a semi-circle cheering and hollering. Their faces were full of smiles. There were trip leaders and staff members with looks of approval and commendation for the feat that we had just finished. And even more joyful were the group of fellow group members who waiting for me. Not all of my group had finished but half had. They were there and gave an especially loud cheer for me as I came to the end of my long and painful run. 

I was embraced, congratulated, and lead to a table full of fruit and water and other delights I had not seen for two weeks. 

I cannot describe this experience well enough. To describe joy, true joy, is perhaps the greatest challenge in writing and I am no prize winning author. But this experience is one of the strongest memories of joy that I have.

Place Holder

This is my place holder entry to let you know that I have lots of great things to post in the coming future. But having been away for a week in Philadelphia, leaving Friday for a week at the beach, then going on a business trip a few days after returning from the beach, it may be a while before I get all my good stuff posted. But I plan on posting thoughts, reflections, and pictures. (I know you really just want to see the pictures!)

Good bye to Elissa

Our dear friend, Elissa, is moving to NYC. We're all very sad about it, though we know that "Friends are friends forever." That really helps us keep moving on. Also the fact that we will see her in in July when we are visiting NYC.

For her going away, we had a party. Part of this party was a game called "Pin the Trendy Accessory on the New Yorker." It was pretty fun. I took a video of Karisa playing. She did very well. The best of the whole night in fact, despite being spun about 3 zillion times!

Here it is:



P.S. If you know how to rotate an AVI file, please let me know!

P.P.S. There are more pictures of the event on my Facebook.

Major Rethinking

Part of my job these days in the Admissions Office is to go around to different academic departments on campus and find stories about students going on to graduate school, career choices, and the unique strengths of our programs. This is a great assignment because I get to hear about all the fun things going on.

It's also a terrible assignment.

It's terrible because I walk out of meetings kicking myself in the butt for having majored in Christian Education instead of History or Secondary Ed. or something else. I truly appreciated the Christian Education program at Wheaton. In fact, I think there were many ways that it was instrumental in my life. As with many things, though, it is much easier for me to point out the things that I missed out on rather than the things I gained.

Without a doubt, my spiritual walk has been edified through classes with Jerry Root, Lyle Dorsett, Barrett McRay, Scottie May, Jim Wilhoit and David Setran. I can tell you stories of how each one impacted me spiritually in a way I cannot even begin to comprehend the full implications of. Jerry Root got me excited about the whole CE program and helped me come to a breakthrough in my identity in Christ while at Honeyrock (a white stone in heaven with my REAL name on it). Lyle Dorsett instilled the desire to be passionate and tireless in the thirst for the Holy Spirit. Barrett McRay put up with my many insecurities and issues as he mentored me through college during our (roughly) monthly lunches. Scottie May taught the value of silence and waiting on the Lord to a guy who had never sat silently before in my life ("Wait... do nothing for 20 minutes?!"). Jim Wilhoit opened the door to the spiritual classics and disciplines ("God as Vindicator" is still a spiritually humbling experience to this day). Dave Setran modeled humility and care for his students (though he did back out on a ping pong challenge once).

The downside is that in many ways I went through the program selfishly. I was not really in a place to learn how to help others, to build strong ministies, or even to produce solid academic work. Instead, I went through the program like one of my wife's foster kids who is craving attention and care. I wanted to receive personally from the program and professors.

And I did. I received tons from the professors and classes. Praise God! I know He is using the love and care from my professors.

Today, though, after having received so much, I look back on my college time thinking more about skills and abilities and academics. If I went through Wheaton starting now, I would be in a very different spot (I hope!). A place where I would be more prepared to take advantage of what a wonderful college like Wheaton has to offer.

Even if I did the CE major again, there would be much more I could learn from it. Instead of taking advantage of the more lax academic requirements, I would want to learn and make as much as possible of the classes.

Lord, help me to see the great good You brought out of my 4-years at Wheaton, rather than look back on all the impossible "if onlys" that I am tempted by!

Fun Times

These photos are from a 70's themed Murder Mystery Dinner we had this winter. They are simply too good NOT to be shared with everyone. This first item is Keith, showing us all how to do a vampire dance. He was quite good.



As a part of the party, we had a dance competition. Brett looks like he isn't just playing the part of a 70's character, but he is a 70's character.



The big coup of the night was that Meg and I did not win the dance off despite this amazing performance:



But I did win after all because when the night was over, this is who I went home with:

To Err is Humarn...

...but to really screw it up takes a computer.

I've been trying to work that comment into as many conversations and situations as possible. At this moment it is relevant because Blogger is not letting me upload pictures, but just keeps timing out. But maybe that's a good thing because pictures are like selling out. A Blog is a journal which means thoughts and writing, not fancy pictures. Posting pictures is like selling out and trying to bribe people into checking your blog with eye candy.

Karisa and I are leading the Newcomers ministry at church now. We spent time last night calling our newcomers to thank them for coming and invite them back. It is very interesting the different reactions you get. Karisa talked to one person who was a virtual waterfall of information and they talked for quite a while. I, on the other hand, talked to a person who was not interested in visiting again and you could tell.

Over all, though, I think that people really appreciate the calls. Even those who never come back like to know that we were glad to have them.

Connecting with people is also a lot about personalities. Sometimes I will talk to a visitor and we can hit it off really well. Other times it feels like a chore. I'm sure my mood and sleep levels affect that too, though!

Leading this ministry together with Karisa is also pretty awesome. It's a challenge to learn to work together. I've done a lot at church, but always by myself. So I have to figure out co-leadership. It's also a great chance to see Karisa's gifts and skills in action. She always undersells herself, but she's full of giftings. She's a great leader, too! One day, before we die, I look forward to hearing her describe herself as a leader... :)

Softball

I have wanted to prove that I actually played softball, but none of the previous pictures had me in them (because I took them myself). So I convinced my wife to come to a game and take pictures of me. It sounds pretty vain doesn't it? haha

She did a great job though despite the fact that she was using our personal point and shoot camera instead of the fancy-shmancy one that I had been using when I took pictures. (Thanks to Brooke for trusting me not to destroy it!)

So here is the proof:




See? I even got on base!

Women in Ministry and Sacramentalism

I have been reading this book, "Slaves, Women and Homosexuals" by William Webb. It's fun to me because my high school dorm parent was named William Webb. He wrote a book too: a chemistry text book!

This book is really good, I have to say. It was first recommended to me by Kevin Miller when I asked him for an explanation of how he viewed women in ministry and the hermeneutic that remained consistent. I am sad to say that his recommendation came more than a year ago and I am just finishing the book. :)

Webb does use language that the truly conservative evangelical might find a put off. I say that as one who grew up surrounded by very conservative evangelicals. (An interesting aside would be a discussion about the connection between "conservatives" and moral development theory, but that is for another time). Mainly, it is phrases like "move beyond" Scripture and referring to Scripture's statements as being "insufficient."

Now, I don't think he means what it may sound like at first. He does not mean that Scripture is not enough or that we need to move beyond it in the sense of it's out dated and unhelpful. What he means is that we must allow Scripture to carry us through to the end. It is unfortunate that he uses negative language to describe this instead of positive language.

Webb builds an excellent case, however, for the movement of Scripture towards greater and fuller inclusion of women in ministry, leadership, etc. while still maintaining that homosexuality is not consistent with Scripture or the Christian faith.

What this book does not engage in is the sacramental understanding of gender at all. It does not touch on the meaning of male and female. (Obviously, that is outside the boundaries of Webb's topic). So that leaves questions there.

My main question at the moment is: How does one respond to the argument that the symbolism of Eucharist is a wedding feast and since the church is the bride, the priest needs to be male to prevent symbolic confusion? That may not be the best wording of the question ever, but it's the best I've got at the moment.

Or another way of putting it: what would it look like to be truly sacramental but to take Webb's hermeneutics seriously? What symbolism would need to change? How do we stand in coherence with the history of the Church while still making the forward movement?

I think it is definitely possible. I look forward to the continual fleshing out of women in ministry and sacramentalism.

Softball Photos

Mike is about to clobber that ball!



Rachel gets a hit!



David is ALMOST safe!



Paul, ready to homer!


The fans.



This is a great pic of Grant's pitching.




This one makes my day! The other team's hitter is literally watching the ball hit the carpet.